Some Good Things That Have Happened Already
On June 10, the day I got the definitive diagnosis that I had MDS, I got home from the doctor’s office at about 4:00 PM. I sat on our porch looking at our beautiful back yard on a beautiful day, waiting for my wife to get home so I could tell her. I was also feeling quite sad and teary and wondered how I was going to reach our four children (aged 27, 25, 22, and 20), of which the older two didn’t even live at home. Our 22 year old got home first, but I still waited for my wife to get home which she did within a few minutes. Within about twenty minutes after telling her the news, all four of our kids showed up and as we all sat on the porch, I broke the news to all of them and we had a good cry. We then all went out to dinner because no one felt like cooking and we felt like being together. The amazing thing was that I can’t remember the last time the six of us were together spontaneously on our porch or anywhere else. It was completely unplanned (by any of us). While I know a case could be made that something like that could be a mere coincidence that could be explained by probability, I also believe that a higher power really has everything under control and saw to it that we wound up together like that.
I have four brothers and a sister that have been so supportive and so willing to do whatever it takes to contribute to my wellness. I think they might even fight each other for the opportunity to be a donor and go through whatever that entails. They all say they feel lucky because at least they can do something. So many other people want to do something and to them I say if you just keep me in your prayers and keep positive thoughts in your head, you are doing more than you can imagine. I know it is frustrating for all my friends and relatives who want to do more, including my own parents and all my wife’s family, but I hope they all know that their love means more to me than words can express.
A few days ago, my sister wanted to have a prayer circle for me. At first, I was not really comfortable with the idea of being the focus of prayer circle and when I expressed this to my sister, she said we could make it about her. Anyway, she invited our parents, all our siblings and their spouses, and a few good friends of mine over to our house. Even though none of us had vast experience with prayer circles, we knew that we could all handle such an organic event and that however it turned out to be would be just what it was supposed to be. Indeed, it was a very special evening and I was deeply touched by the love and concern that was expressed.
I sent out a brief email to my friends and associates at work just so they would know what was going on and not be totally surprised when I wound up in a hospital going through chemotherapy and having a bone marrow transplant that kept me away from work for quite a few months. The responses I got were so sweet and thoughtful that I feel like weeping every time I think about it.
One of my brothers, who is involved in AA, mentioned to me one evening at a wedding that a whole lot of people in AA of whom I was unaware and whom I didn’t know were praying for me and keeping me in their thoughts. When I hear something like that, I once again feel almost overwhelmed by the amount of love and concern that has come my way – even from strangers.
Whenever we see a medical professional that asks about our kids, my wife has taken to always saying that we have four kids and they’re great kids. We both smile because it’s become kind of an inside joke. WE DO HAVE GREAT KIDS! They have been so loving, supportive, and mature through all of this and I can’t imagine trying to get through it without them.
Most of all, I am grateful to my wife, who is also being very loving, supportive, and mature throughout all we are going through. While I know that the treatment will be hard on me, it’s not hard to imagine that in many ways, it will be harder on her. She will be the caregiver with everything that implies. She will have to watch me go through whatever it is I have to go through. I am glad to know that she will also have friends and family she will be able to turn to for love and support herself.
But most of all, I am grateful to my God, without whom I know I could not come close to getting through this. Lord, I know that you did not want or cause this to happen to me, and I know that you have brought, are bringing, and will continue to bring countless good things out of this situation. This is truly the miracle. I also know that to the extent that I can put my hand in yours and trust and follow you as a child does his parent, I will be able to get through anything with equanimity. If I appear strong, I know it is you that are the source of that strength. If others have figured out how to love me despite the obstacles I put in the way, I know that it is because they have figured out how to be vessels for your love. For all of these things and more, I thank you.
I have four brothers and a sister that have been so supportive and so willing to do whatever it takes to contribute to my wellness. I think they might even fight each other for the opportunity to be a donor and go through whatever that entails. They all say they feel lucky because at least they can do something. So many other people want to do something and to them I say if you just keep me in your prayers and keep positive thoughts in your head, you are doing more than you can imagine. I know it is frustrating for all my friends and relatives who want to do more, including my own parents and all my wife’s family, but I hope they all know that their love means more to me than words can express.
A few days ago, my sister wanted to have a prayer circle for me. At first, I was not really comfortable with the idea of being the focus of prayer circle and when I expressed this to my sister, she said we could make it about her. Anyway, she invited our parents, all our siblings and their spouses, and a few good friends of mine over to our house. Even though none of us had vast experience with prayer circles, we knew that we could all handle such an organic event and that however it turned out to be would be just what it was supposed to be. Indeed, it was a very special evening and I was deeply touched by the love and concern that was expressed.
I sent out a brief email to my friends and associates at work just so they would know what was going on and not be totally surprised when I wound up in a hospital going through chemotherapy and having a bone marrow transplant that kept me away from work for quite a few months. The responses I got were so sweet and thoughtful that I feel like weeping every time I think about it.
One of my brothers, who is involved in AA, mentioned to me one evening at a wedding that a whole lot of people in AA of whom I was unaware and whom I didn’t know were praying for me and keeping me in their thoughts. When I hear something like that, I once again feel almost overwhelmed by the amount of love and concern that has come my way – even from strangers.
Whenever we see a medical professional that asks about our kids, my wife has taken to always saying that we have four kids and they’re great kids. We both smile because it’s become kind of an inside joke. WE DO HAVE GREAT KIDS! They have been so loving, supportive, and mature through all of this and I can’t imagine trying to get through it without them.
Most of all, I am grateful to my wife, who is also being very loving, supportive, and mature throughout all we are going through. While I know that the treatment will be hard on me, it’s not hard to imagine that in many ways, it will be harder on her. She will be the caregiver with everything that implies. She will have to watch me go through whatever it is I have to go through. I am glad to know that she will also have friends and family she will be able to turn to for love and support herself.
But most of all, I am grateful to my God, without whom I know I could not come close to getting through this. Lord, I know that you did not want or cause this to happen to me, and I know that you have brought, are bringing, and will continue to bring countless good things out of this situation. This is truly the miracle. I also know that to the extent that I can put my hand in yours and trust and follow you as a child does his parent, I will be able to get through anything with equanimity. If I appear strong, I know it is you that are the source of that strength. If others have figured out how to love me despite the obstacles I put in the way, I know that it is because they have figured out how to be vessels for your love. For all of these things and more, I thank you.
2 Comments:
Justin sez:
> I think they might even fight each other for the
> opportunity to be a donor and go through whatever that
> entails. They all say they feel lucky because at least
> they can do something.Roslyn (my wife) asked me if we siblings were feeling competitive about who gets to be the donor. I was a little taken aback by her question. I know we are a competitive lot, but right now all we care about is that there be a 100% match. If I do wind up donating, no doubt I'll figure out some way to use that fact to my advantage! ;^)
Brother Hugh
Justin --
Just got to your blog today. Good to get the details straight, and good to hear the lightheartedness and love amongst your siblings. Please add my love to the list. All of us at Laurel next week will be holding you in our thoughts and prayers.
xox
Chara D.
Post a Comment
<< Home